It’s already been warm weather in Arkansas and it’s given me the idea for a fun series that we’ll be doing this summer. People are always asking where the good pools and swimming holes are. We decided to check them all out and rank them for you. Read more below.
My last name is Poole and I like swimming pools. That makes me the perfect candidate to rate your setup. Did I say rate *your* setup? I’ll be checking out the pools at our civic centers, all of the apartment pools, the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to, and yes, I’ll be jumping fences to take a dip in your backyard. You don’t even have to be home.
I’ll be ranking all swimues (swim venues) based on several categories (and possibly others that I make up along the way):
• What is the comfort level of the pool furniture? Will I get waffle-butt or will I get a good nap?
• Is there an outdoor fridge and is it stocked with things I’m presumedly not going to eat until I wait an hour?
• Are there convenient “facilities” that keep the water to just people, and not pee pool?
• Is the ground by the pool smooth, but not too smooth, so I don’t dent my tootsies or flop on my hiney?
• Will the water burn my nasal interior when I accidentally and also inevitably get it in my snoot?
• Is the water cooled or heated?
• Is there a shady side to the water?
• Is there a diving board?
• Is there a lifeguard on duty?
• Is there a lifeguard off duty?
• Is there a bartender on duty?
• Is there a magical closet where I can find soft towels, inflatable rafts, sun protection products and various other accoutrements?
• Is there a leaf cleaner wand?
• Are there two leaf cleaner wands so I can duel with a friend?
• Now that I think about it, how much room is there for my homies to come along, after I discover your pool is home alone all day while you’re at work?
• Is there at least one good doggy that I can pet and throw frisbees and balls to?
• Are there zero surveillance cameras that might document the festivities – er – research at an unfavorable angle?
• Can we be besties?
You get the idea. Fun, right? This “Poole’s Pools” feature will begin as soon as it’s warm enough, but not before I find swimwear that doesn’t make me form a capital X with my arms over my… um… Lycra.
Oh and I’ll need a videographer or two for this feature. Preferably with underwater capabilities. Send your portfolio to [email protected].
I can’t wait!! Also maybe it’s not obvious but AFRIL POOLS! This is a just a joke, but as I wrote it out, I found myself getting invested in it!
👙
